Your Deck is Toxic (1 of 2) - Neon - November 6, 2018

 
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I was thinking today, as I often do, about the state the Eternal metagame. Particularly, I was thinking about Talir-Mask Combo, a deck that many consider to be toxic. Up until now, I haven’t been convinced, but what if I was wrong? After all, this is a deck that many people agree is unhealthy. Maybe I am missing something? It does have a combo that is difficult to interact with, and often takes a while to win. Maybe Talir-Mask Combo has been unfair all this time!

But then I thought some more. In some sense, Haunted Highway is also pretty toxic too, right? It is part combo deck, in that it is trying to combine Haunting Scream with a bunch of aggressive units to kill the opponent. It also behaves like a burn deck at times, and burn is definitely unhealthy. Madness + Combust also seems pretty unfun, given that it invalidates a bunch of strategies. Upon reflection, it seems obvious that Haunted Highway is toxic too. 

As I began to write, it occurred to me – Skycrag is similar to Haunted Highway in a lot of ways, right?! You play charge units like Champion of Fury and Censari Brigand! You play a bunch of burn spells! You are always trying to high-roll off Dusk Raider, which is definitely unhealthy! In fact, every aggro deck is probably toxic, since they are trying to win the game before you do anything!

FJS is also toxic now that I think of it! First, you never really know if they are “midrange” or “control”, which seems pretty unfair (toxic) to me. Cookbook is a super high variance card, so that is obviously unbalanced. FJS also invalidates everything the opponent is doing by playing so much removal, which I’m pretty sure is broken. Don’t even get me started on Vara – invalidating any units with aegis, any unit without aegis, or any unit that might potentially get aegis! Clearly toxic! 

Now I see. Now I see the truth. Slay is toxic because it invalidates units that are expensive. Hailstorm is rancid because he pushes out units that are cheap. Sandstorm Titan is unhealthy because it invalidates units with flying. Shelterwing Rider shuts out units without flying. Obelisk is overly punishing to decks without relic removal. Bore is too crippling to decks with relics. Statuary Maiden and Vanquisher’s blade suppress decks with void synergy. Haunting and Makto are oppressive against decks without void synergy. Decks that are too consistent are unbalanced, and decks that are too inconsistent are unhealthy. Merchants are overpowered because they can pull anything out of the market, while Caiphus is overpowered because he can’t be pulled out of the market!

The solution is obvious. Everything is toxic. 

(Except Clockroachs. That deck is fine.)